Trevor: "I could have friends."

[Meat Market] Claire: "Do I have to remind you that punctuality is a requirement?" Trevor: "No, but I so love your voice -- let's hear it anyway." Claire: "Trevor, one letter from me, you know where you're going." Trevor: "Like I would have been cured if I'd gotten here a half-hour ago." Claire: "I am not deaf." Trevor: "Or mute."

Trevor: "When was the last time you had sex? Claire: "That is none of your business." Trevor: "No, no, no -- see, it is my business. 'Cause I am Chairman of the bed-board. CEO of Coitus Inc. And I'm telling you -- You're cranky." Claire: "Oh, and like so many men, yo think the cure for crankiness is--" Trevor: "--Is a good--" Claire: "Carefull now..." Trevor: "Man. Now listen, sometimes it's really hard to find Mr. Right. Do us all a favor, find Mr. Right-Now."

Mike: "It doesn't really matter though, 'cause it's -- you know -- it's impossible to meet women in these places anyway." Nick: "He's right. He's right, I mean, it's so dark in those places -- far as you know, you could be working your ju-ju on Muffy, the dog-faced-girl."

Trevor: "So this notable psychologist I heard -- when was it? Oh yeah, it was last night -- was saying that this is the sort of place one goes for sex, not when one is looking for a relationship." Claire: "I didn't come here looking for a relationship." Trevor: "Really? Well then you might want to undo a couple of those buttons." Claire: "Or sex."

Nick: "Let me get this straight: The winner is the guy who gets shot down the most?" Trevor: "Exactly." Nick: "I can do that."

Mike (after sex, to the woman who picked him up at Club Gamorrah's): "Hey, what's that thing? What's that red light over there?" Woman: "Oh, that. That's the video camera." Mike: "Why is it moving?" Woman: "Is it moving? Henry, honey -- could you try holding the camera steady?" Henry: "Sorry, luv!" Mike: (scream)