"Pick Up Schticks"

Trevor: "So it's tell-all-hour for everyone in here except for the only on who has anything to tell." Laurence: "Hey, I resent the accuracy of that statement."

Trevor: Then go out -- You. Everyone. And excercise your option to have sex." Mike: "Would that be the telephone option or the inflatable option?"

Trevor: So what's the up-side of jogging, by the way? Nearest I can see, it's just an excuse to cruise the parks in too little clothing." Helen: "Uh -- Spandex a little too risqué for you?" Trevor: "No, lovely. I was referring to cannonball-run over there, he needs to put more clothing on."

Helen: "I'm actually training for a marathon. Trevor: "Yeah? It's a myth, the marathon. No one actually ran the whole thing." Helen: "Oh really. Trevor: "The ancient Greeks, yeah, cheated -- stashed the horses outside the palace. Gave them a few extra hours of personal time. Helen: "Hmm. Which they used for..." Trevor: "The usual. Making baclava, building wooden horses, deflowering the... Flowers."

Trevor: "Look I -- I've gotta go shower. Hopefully my roomate's used up all the hot water by now... I'll see y'around." Helen: "Okay"

Claire: (doorbell buzz) You're a bit early there tiger." Trevor: (Mock growl) Sorry pumkin-pie, traffic was light -- f you need to finish getting dressed I can watch."

Claire: "Trevor -- It's not a good time, I"m running late as it is." Trevor: "You said I was early." Claire: "You are early, I'm late. Wait a minute, you're neither early nor late -- what you are is unexpected... Uninvited." Trevor: "Underappreciated." Claire: "Undeterred." Trevor: "Unflappable." Claire: "Unctuous." Trevor: "Underwear-less." Claire: "Uncle."

Claire: "Look, Trevor -- If you're seriously asking for my advice, I am more than willing to listen..." Trevor: "Here's the thing. I'm supposed to be making it possible for people -- present company unexcepted -- to fornicate like porn stars. Meanwhile, I'm getting forearms like Popeye--" Claire: "Okay. Clearly you are not being serious." Trevor: "No, no -- Dumbells. Dumbell curls." Claire: "What are you, handcuffed to your sofa?" Trevor: "I wish. This is my worst draught in several thousand years. Do you know how hard it is to have women throwing themselves at your feet and for you to be unable to accomodate them?" Claire: "There's a prescription for that now."

Trevor: (to Alex, about his coversation with Claire) "Hey. We're having a little heart-to... Cardiomuscle.

Trevor: "You know what? You've already given me more than enough material, but now that I've seen you naked, my repertoire has expanded immensely." Claire: "You haven't seen anything, Trevor." Trevor: "I've seen your mole." Claire: "Alright, fine. What are you -- her to mock me?"

Trevor: (clapping) "Impressive speech. Really, but that's not actually why I'm here. I wanted to know why you told Clark Kent [Alex] all about my medical history." Claire: "Well Alex thought... And I didn't want Alex to think that... You and I... In a... Any..." Trevor: "That's a hell of an apology."

Alex: "What about you? A guy like you's gotta have something going one somewhere." Trevor: "Ah, you kidding me? Gals love to take the mentally ill home to mom." Alex: "Come on, all work and no play makes Trevor -- (Trevor buries his knife in a cutting board) Hostile."

Alex: "What I"m trying to say is that--" Trevor: "She wants you to treat her psychotic hang-around lie a regular guy instead of the wacked-out sap you see me as."